Confesssions

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ihjtalk
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1125 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 12:03am »

Bre, missed ya and was about to put u on a milk carton, but now don't have to Anyway, kinda think u should tell your friends that it wasn't cool. I think I would have if it were me
So don't stay away cuz of someone else's BS. k?
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Dottie
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1126 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 07:21am »

Aww!! Bre, what a bloody rotten thing to do to you!!! You always seem like such a lovely person, you really don't deserve to have a friend like that. Know what you mean though about feeling like you could have said something but didn't, we all get that. It's very easy thinking of what you wanted to say, after the event. Hope you're feeling better hun Here's a lovely song for you, from the lovely Josh Groban


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls7ila3srzI&mode=related&search=
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1127 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 08:00am »

on Jun 20th, 2007, 03:41am, BreDigsTheJakeness wrote:
Aww, Charrisa I missed you... I just commented yer myspace, lol

Anyways... this is what I was gonna post earlier... but I got sidetracked because I'm a nitwit.

The other day I went to hang out with my friend and I was really excited about it. We were gonna do a little job hunting and see a movie after. But instead we spent less than 2 hours sitting in her front room while she fixed her hair in anticipation of a call from her friend-with-benefits. Then said friend-with-benefits came over and picked me, dumped me off at my house, so they could go fool around. (Even though they see each other and do they stuff like everyday and I like never see anyone...). So I felt like complete crap for quite a while... I felt so unwanted and kinda like dying, but I've been feeling better. Suddenly it almost completely left my mind.

But the thing I wish I had to do over was that I didn't say shit to her about how it hurt like I don't even know what to be dumped off so she could fool around with someone who's too embarassed to consider her her girlfriend.

That's why I hadn't been on here or myspace much for a few days... didn't feel like there was a point to it...


What a b*tch. Sorry! I felt it too when I read your story. How rude to tread someone so bad. Friends who pick one over the other are not real friends I think. Who can you tread a person so great as you as bad as she did. Well, the only thing I can say is: Bre, you got people around here who care about you. Don't let yourself down, cause you're an Amazing girl hun.
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minorTHREAT
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1128 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 5:19pm »

ok.. *sigh* i HAVE to get this off my chest... mmk.. there's a LOT to this story...

In December, I went to this teen club called Cowboy's. All of my friends were there, Analee my best friend, Jonathon my friend from ROTC who is also gay.. we call him J-Lo, Armando and Adrian, my 2 ex's. Analee and I was there earlier than the rest of my friends and we were dancing.. there wasn't really that many people there yet; then i saw this boy. He was tall, blonde, blue eyes, cute, and a pretty good dancer. He was attractive. But when I see someone I get too nervous so I never encounter people, I wait for them to make a move. But I didn't know whether he was gay or not. He didn't look like it. He really has no fashion sense and didn't talk like it at all.... well I just dismissed it because I thought nothing would ever come of it.

J-Lo Armando and Adrian show up and the place is packed now. Everyone is dancing and having a good time. I'm with Analee cuz she's my dancing partner, and J-lo Armando and adrian are doing their thing. well armando decides he wants to dance w/ me, and adrian and j-lo start dancing together. All of a sudden, that boy i was checking out earlier comes up to j-lo and asks him if he could dance w/ him. I was like OMG!!! WTF!!! i was sooooooooo jealous. then when j-lo had to leave, that boy asked him for his number and they started talking...

January, another teen's night took place. j-lo and paul were going out now. i was still jealous because paul is just the cutest thing.. welp they both showed up and i was with Analee again. shes like my best friend. j-lo introduced me to paul. that was a BIG mistake...

I usually get what i want. i'm spoiled like that.

That same night, J-lo is making it a big deal that he has to leave early. paul walks him outside and me and analee start dancing some more... when we come to sit down at our table, Paul is there by himself. so we keep him company. i could tell that he was interested because he wouldn't stop looking at me and Analee was like, "you're gonna get yourself in trouble Lewis!!" i didn't care... we exchanged myspaces ..how cliche.. and from that night on we kept in touch through that.

March, Paul and I still talked to each other behind j-lo's back. He had mentioned how he was going to an orienteering meet for ROTC and i was like im not going because my commander said i couldn't go. I was pissed!! i hadn't seen him in like 2 months and it was like my one chance to see him...

Paul told me that he and J-lo broke up.



lol.. i ended up going to the meet [[i told you i ALWAYS get what i want]] and by the end of it i saw him! i was sooo happy.. everyone on my team was like, "Get it Lewis!!" they made a big scene about it and i got all embarrassed. All the school's went to another area of the meet to go eat after they had competed and i was there eating my hamburger when my commander, Juan, mentioned how i'm going after J-lo's leftovers. That made me sooo pissed. then i felt someone poke me from behind and everyone from my team at the table shut up. it was paul and he asked me to eat with him... everyone was sooo quiet. lol it was almost funny. so we went to a faraway, shady spot in the park by some trees and we talked for awhile. he told me he really like me and that he wanted to be with me. but he would feel guilty because he told j-lo he broke up with him bout the distance. I live on the northeast side of San Antonio; Paul lives on the Northwest side. it's actually very far.. but then he told me that he lied to j-lo bout the reason as to why he broke up with. he said it was because of the sexual frustration.

lol this is fkn hilarious...

ok.. he said he was frustrated because j-lo would always taunt him and tease him bout having sex, but when it came down to it, Paul was just too big to fit in J-lo.. lol i thought that was funny, because J-lo is a slut. no joke. he is my friend, but that boy has been around the block a time or two.. lol

so, that was the last time i saw him until a week later. Another Teen's night. i shoed up. J-lo found out. he wanted nothing to do with me. he hated me. Paul showed up and i was with him. Paul tryed to talk to J-lo, but Analee told him that it'd be best if he stayed away. So we did. Paul and I left. It was nighttime and it was raining. We walked around the area to different places. Behind the club, there is a wide open space of gravel and grass, a street that goes to a shopping mall and other restaurants. Thats where we had our first kiss. In the rain. ugh.. it was sooooo fkn amazing!! lol.. we walked around in the rain until we were drenched and dripping. it was romantic in a weird way too.. we got splashed on like people do in the movies by passing cars.. lol that was funny... then we walked down the shopping mall, which most of the stores were already closed [[teen nights are always on sundays]] and it was around 9-10 o'clock. we sat in front of a warehouse and he gave me back massage. we kissed for awhile then he took me to Taco Cabana. lol he bought me tacos!! i was soooooo cold!! he noticed me shivering and he took me into his arms and held me there in his warmth... gawd i miss that feeling... after our meal we went to pets mart ..but it was closed too.. so we just sat there; i was in his arms and he was kissing my neck, in the rain.. i remember he smelled sooo good... we went back to Cowboy's and met up w/ Analee. he kissed me one last time before Analee took me home...

The next week, he asked me what i was doing, which i was just doing laundry. he came over to my house and took me to China Grove, a place on the east side of town, a mini golf course.. lol it was so typical but it was cute for our first date.. after golfing we went to a park on his side of town, eisenhower Park, and ate buffalo wings. lol i licked the sauce from his face.. lol that sounds kinda bad.. lol whatever.. anyway.. we sat and watched the sunset together.. it was sooo beautiful. then he gave me a piggy back ride to the playground and we played in the playground for awhile. lol we had a 'spiderman' kiss. he hung upside down from the monkey bars.. then on the way back to my house he showed me where he lived..

my friends b-day party was coming up in April, and i wanted to go with someone, so i called Paul. His voice sounded miserable, and he didn't say much. i asked what was wrong and he said that he didn't think that we should see each other for a long time. i was like what! i didn't know what i did wrong.. i was sooo heartbroken, i didn't know how to react or what to say or do. He simply explained that he felt guilty about J-lo, that he feels like a hypocrite and that he feels guilty about what he did to him. so i cried..

...

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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1129 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 5:28pm »

MY STORY CONTINUED...

J-lo and i resolved our problems.

it wasn't until recently i've heard from him. actually i just heard from him for the first time on sunday. teen night. he wasn't there, because it was Father's Day. but he promised that he would make it better.

On monday, i set aside all of my friends so i could spend the day with my mom. we went to Northstar mall, on the north/northwest side of town. it's one of our most popular, largest malls in town, next to La Cantera and River Center. after awhile, i received a call from paul. i was about to leave with my mom, when he decided to meet me there. i told my mom and she said, "You sure you have a ride??" i was like yes mom, now go! lol but i didn't exactly say the now go part.. soo i waited for about ten minutes for Paul to arrive..

It was like in the movies. When people reunite after a long time, they're so emotional. yea, except it seemed like i was the only one that was excited. i gave him a long hug and he said he missed me. gawd.. i could smell him... it was the same smell that he always smelled like.. his brother took him with a bunch of his friends. Paul and i left his brother and his brother's friends. we went to Hot Topic and it was just awkward, like i could tell he just wanted to make out with me but everyone was around. so we went to the back of Spencer's, and again that same awkward frustration. so went to macy's lol. we went to the top floor and i was like where are we going?? i never go to macy's. he was like dont worry, ill show you.. so at the top floor we exited the mall into the parking garage. we climbed the stairs to the top floor of the parking garage in the open.. outside.. there were no cars on the top floor, just to escape the heat of South Texas. We sat on a cement block in the sun and we were talking bout life and how's its been since we'd seen each other. i told him bout going to washington d.c., bout how i went to camp, and just everything.. then we made out for the first time in what seemed like forever. he was the last person i had kissed. and to kiss him again it was just proof that he was there for me. i missed him sooo much and i told him. he ws like let's move into the shade, behind the elevator. so he picked me up, cuz im smaller than him and we sat on the pavement. it was beautiful in a weird way. watching airplanes fly off from the airport in the sunset with buildings around. it was quiet, but it wasn't; it's never really quiet in the city. we were talking more and he told me about going to nationals for his school's armed drill team. then he asked me if i had become any more experienced.. *cough*cough* ..experienced.. lol i told him i still hadn't done anything since i last saw him. then he asked me what i would do if he just took off my clothes and had his way with me. i told him have at it. he unbuttoned my shirt and he kissed my stomach while unbuttoning my pants. he was the first person to ever give me a bj.

a security guard drove by and he got scared. he said i had better zip up my pants unless i wanted to get in trouble. we snuck back into macy's and he was freaked. he was sooo paranoid. he didn't walk next to me. idk but for me i like it when a guy walks with me, not in front of me, not behind me, but with me. i like to hold hands too, but he doesn't in public. so he was walking in the mall hella fast and we ran into his brother. timmy, his brother, said that he was leaving. i didn't have a ride, so i asked Paul if i could get a ride with them. Timmy had no room in his car. so i was pretty much stranded at the mall. i walked Paul to his car, and he gave me one last kiss. he said he was sorry and that he felt sooo bad for just leaving me there by myself.

i didnt buy it. i dont know why but a part of me sensed a hint of numbness from him. like he just relies on me whenever he has no one else in his life. its like im his crutch. he leans on me whenever he needs me but just puts me away whenever he doesn't need me. i felt so betrayed. i feel like he just called me up so he could just suck some dick cuz he hadn't had any in awhile. i felt soo used and idk if i should keep talking to him. that was on monday of this week. he hasn't called to apologize. he hasn't made any effort to contact me.

i called my mom and she got mad. it had only been and hour since i last saw her. she asked what happened. i couldn't tell her i got used to just to relieve some guy for his sexual frustrations, so i lied. i fkn lied for Paul. i lied to my mom. I FKN LIED. i told her my friend's mom got in a car accident. it was the only excuse that would explain why they had to leave. so my dad came and picked me up.


i feel so used
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'HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT'
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ihjtalk
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1130 on: Jun 21st, 2007, 10:25pm »

@minorTHREAT: The whole Paul thing sounds kinda awkward but most early sexual encounters seem to turn out that way. I think both parties end up with some guilt, some frustration, some uncertainty. You don't know whether you want to continue, to move on, to pretend nothing is going on. There is a great degree of uncertainty on an emotional level. If you don't know exactly how to feel then bet Paul doesn't either. I'm soooo sorry it didn't go right and this particular relationship may not ever work out, maybe it will. If it doesn't, you are too young to think love doesn't exist or you shouldn't go walking in the rain and cover each other with a million "baby kisses." Since I think I know just a little more than all that above tells of you, I am certain that a few years from now this will either be a bittersweet memory and you have moved on OR you and Paul will look back and find it a humorous anecdote of your past. I hope you feel better just to have it out there. Sometimes putting it in words helps you come to grips with it. **goes to PM another point**
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1131 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 02:17am »

I LOVE the new Michael Buble song called " Everything".... it makes me want a person that thinks that of me... like im the air that they breathe and their happiness..... if you guys get a chance to listen to it please do!!! Maybe someone else will feel the same way
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"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1132 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 04:03am »

Great isn't it Charissa, I've already got it on my mp3 player. It makes me smile.
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'You got a kid' said Jack, His shaking hand grazed Ennis's hand, electrical current snapped between them. From the
vibration of the floorboard on which they both stood Ennis could feel how hard Jack was shaking.
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1133 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 05:36am »

on Jun 22nd, 2007, 02:17am, lucky7babe21 wrote:
I LOVE the new Michael Buble song called " Everything".... it makes me want a person that thinks that of me... like im the air that they breathe and their happiness..... if you guys get a chance to listen to it please do!!! Maybe someone else will feel the same way


Ditto. Same here. We'll get some person some day. Don't worry! You're gonna be Everything to someone
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ihjtalk
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1134 on: Jun 22nd, 2007, 08:34am »

@minorTHREAT: Lewis, see JackyG message above and apply it to yourself!
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1135 on: Jun 23rd, 2007, 01:36am »

^ I hope your right!!!
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"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."
BreDigsTheJakeness
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1136 on: Jun 23rd, 2007, 08:43am »

Rich, Dottie, and Jacky - thank you all for your sweet words . I'm feeling much better about everything now... I have't talked to her since then and I don't much care. I'm pretty sure she could tell I was upset because she was being all apologetic... she normally isn't like that at all, so I don't think she'll do anything like that again. I'm prolly not going to say anything to her though... I'm just kinda... like that sometimes. If she ever tries anything like that again she'll get an earful though, don't you worry. But Rich, just knowing someone missed me makes me feel wonderful. (Is that odd? Oh well.) And Dottie, thanks for the link... Josh Groban is such a hottie.
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1137 on: Jun 26th, 2007, 01:49am »

I want to say the right words to someone special who is kinda down right now and I don't know what the f**k to say.
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1138 on: Jun 26th, 2007, 07:11am »

ihjtalk, it's never easy to know what to say to someone, and since I have no idea why your special someone is down I can't give you any good advice. But to remind someone of how much they mean to you and especially that things always get better (even if it is a long time from now) never hurt.
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ihjtalk
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Re: Confesssions
« Reply #1139 on: Jun 26th, 2007, 8:03pm »

^true
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